Know Your Circles

Choosing your circle wisely can benefit your life in more ways than one.

Your Circle for Life

We all have people that are close to us who add value to our lives in every aspect. These individuals are there for us mentally and emotionally, appreciate our business goals and love our families as their own. While some of these people have been around for years, others make their way into our lives sporadically. More importantly, not everyone who makes it into your circle will stay.

Your circle must be maintained. People change and grow, as should your supporters and confidants. Keeping people within your circle who do not aide in your growth and development can actually be harmful and debilitating. As your goals change, your desire to include certain people in your circle may evolve as well.

How Many Circles Exist?

The answer to this question is not as simple as it may seem. It is possible for every individual to have a different number of circles, based on their lifestyle, career goals, educational aspirations, and more. Certain people may stay in one circle solely, while others may migrate between one or more. Still yet, some individuals may be involved in every life circle you inhabit. Those are the true gems, the ones you hold onto.

Circles can be loosely broken down into the terms of your relationship and the portion of your life that they fit into. For example, "acquaintance" and "commitment" friends are more distant than "committed" friends. In addition, your "career" circle may be larger than your "friends" circle, depending on the nature of your job. Due to these variances, there is no correct number of circles to create and manage nor should you compare your circles to those of others.

Levels of Inclusion

Trust and loyalty must be built over time. Getting to know someone doesn't happen overnight. The level of support that your circles offer greatly depends on how well they know you, your goals and your dreams. Therefore, circles are initially broken down by the level of intimacy you have with specific individuals.

Acquainted Circle

This part of your whole circle is comprised of individuals who you have met and maintain a distant relationship with. Typically, you can recall their name and may know some personal details about them, but they aren't what you would refer to as your closest friends. These are people who we are friends with on social media, distant business contacts, previous schoolmates or contacts from social activities.

Common Friends Circle

This circle is comprised of individuals who we have spent time with in the same general setting, but do not know us intimately. Similar interests or obligations may have brought you and this individual together. You may have even hung out a few times, but the trust and loyalty necessary for a deep relationship has not been built. These are people you may have been around at mom's groups, coworkers, professional organization attendees or book clubs.

Community Friends Circle

When regular time is spent together outside of your common grounds, this forms a circle known as "community" friends. Most of these friends are developed in one area of life and brought into others. These might be members of a church group who now come to your home regularly for barbecues or PTA moms who you grab coffee with. Your relationship is deepening between yourself and the members of this circle.

Committed Circle

Your deepest friendships and connections will be present in this circle. Whether this is a coworker who you have developed a friendship with or the mom of your child's friend that you have been through a hard time with, these people are typically in your life to stay. Family members can also fall within this circle, depending on the relationship that you have with them.

Circle Focus

Along with different levels of connections, you may also have different types of circles. You may want to have people within specific circles that make sense to you both. For example, you wouldn't want to involve a mom's group friend in your business circle, unless they had the same professional passions as you. Some individuals may travel between circles and some may be present in more than one. These are individuals who you are able to share many aspects of your life with, and often form the deepest

relationships with.

Parenting Circle

While there may be many facets to this circle, you and these individuals have one thing in common: your kids. These are individuals who you routinely see and interact with at activities for your children, such as PTAs, sports, extracurricular activities and school events. Individuals within this circle may fall into any level of intimacy, but your relationship with them revolves around your children. As your children get older, this circle will inevitably evolve. Some will stay and some will go, which is healthy and to be expected.

Career Circle

The extent of the circle greatly depends on your specific job and the requirements within it. For example, an ER nurse will have many more acquaintances than a work-at-home parent. Not to mention, a marketing professional will have many more people in their career circle than a data entry clerk. Individuals within this circle may include coworkers, managers, extended work relationships and professional groups.

Athletic Circle

Many individuals find physical activity as a method of stress alleviation and work out routinely. Friendships that are made within this circle consist of various levels of intimacy and comfort between those connections. People in your athletic circle may consist of fitness instructors, members of fitness groups or fellow gym-goers. These individuals are there to push you along the way and celebrate your successes with you.

Hobby Circle

All too often, parents find themselves lost between their children and family life, leaving little time to partake in the activities that they once found enticing and satisfying. Eventually, hobbies begin to emerge once the hectic nature of parenthood begins to slow down. During these times, individuals find themselves attending seminars, classes and workshops that are focused on hobbies they enjoy. Getting honest opinions from people within this circle on your creations can be helpful in improving your artistic abilities.

Family Circle

Some individuals may not have this kind of a circle, and that is okay. For those that do, this circle can be your most supportive and critical one of all. Things may not always go as planned in your circle. For example, my husband was once a part of both my business and family circle until he halted my productivity by failing to reply to polls in a timely manner. After that, he was restricted solely to my family circle once more! While this story is all in fun, it is important to note that these things happen.

The Importance of Circles

Your circles exist whether you are aware of them or not. While many of your circles may be defined and measurable, others are not. You don't have to name everyone in every circle, but it is important to acknowledge their role in your life. Surrounding yourself with people who are supportive and exhibit loyalty is beneficial for your growth. You should be able to trust your circle to pull you up when you fall down and be your biggest supporters.

Knowing who to include in your circle is just as important as knowing who to limit or eliminate. Toxic individuals who have betrayed your trust, disproved their loyalty and remain less than supportive must go. To determine those who are necessary in your circle, you must be able to identify which circles are the most important to you and who is supportive of your goals within your circles.

Changing Your Circles

If you have trouble with this determination, make a list. Think of the individuals you would want to hire for the job of being your friend and supportive force. Treat it like an interview. If you would not want to hire someone in your circle to be your motivation and cheerleader, then it is likely time to reduce their presence in your life or move them to a less influential group. Sometimes this is necessary to maintain your health and happiness.

When your friendship or relationship with a toxic person has changed, this may be easy to do. It may even happen naturally. However, when you have to re-evaluate a relationship with a relative or close friend, things can be a bit more tricky. Putting a plan in place can help ease the tension, but you may always feel a void in what could have been. Taking control of your life isn't always easy, but it is definitely worth it. Re-evaluate your circles routinely to determine if changes need to be made to protect your happiness. You will be glad you did, especially when you begin to see growth and organic happiness emerge.